I criticise myself when I feel like I HAVEN’T DONE ENOUGH WORK!

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I tell myself I’m lazy.
Why do I do this, as it’s not very empowering is it?!
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It stems from when I was a child and I felt I had to earn my Dad’s approval,
I had to behave,
get good grades,
keep my room tidy and do the dishes etc.
be quiet but also speak up!
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I felt I couldn’t win.
I wasn’t quite good enough.
I didn’t work hard enough.
So I didn’t deserve love yet!
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Now I KNOW my Dad did / DOES love me and he was only doing his best to help me – it was just how I interpreted it!

But this has created a pattern of me ONLY REWARDING MYSELF ONCE I’VE EITHER ACCOMPLISHED MONETARY RESULTS,
OR TICKED A TON OF TASKS OFF MY LIST!
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I want to change this and so from now on,
I will listen to whatever I feel I need or my body needs and give it to myself,
REGARDLESS OF WHAT’S BEEN ACHIEVED – OR NOT YET!
If I feel like I need to get outside and walk in the fresh air,
I shall do just that.
I shall also remember to celebrate EACH AND EVERY LITTLE WIN!
– why is it I can manage to ignore the 52 good things that I’ve done,
or I am,
or I HAVE,
but I’ll FOCUS IN on the one negative?
And it might not even be a real negative either.
Perhaps I didn’t do a livestream today or didn’t hoover up!
Is that the end of the world?
Of course not lol!

I criticise myself if I don’t create the HUGE RESULTS THAT I CRAVE!

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I tell myself that I’m a FAILURE!
That I SHOULD have pulled it off,
whatever IT was.
I have been known to COMPARE MYSELF to others doing similar things and get downhearted ’cause THEY’RE DOING IT.
WHY CAN’T I???
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And when I create little results,
sometimes yeah,
I celebrate those wins.
NOT always though.

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Do YOU ever have an inner dialogue that goes something like this:

YES!!!! I just did a Facebook live and someone watched it live from begining to end!
They commented and sent hearts!
I feel AMAZING!!!!!
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But wait…!
That girl over there ALWAYS has at LEAST 20 people on live with her EVERY SINGLE TIME.
Her lives get thousands of views.
Oh f***,
my little livestream was no big deal after all.
I mean SO WHAT?
🙁
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Yeah speaking to yourself like this is a BIG FAT NO NO!

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Well yesterday I wrote a post about stopping comparisonitis,

so it’s been on my mind.
I’m focusing on me and my journy.
MY LITTLE WINS.
– someone else would snap my hand off for them so,
I AM GRATEFUL.
I WILL BE MORE GRATEFUL.

 

I criticise myself for BEING UNORGANISED!

 

I think this too goes back to my childhood!
I was NEVER organised at school.
Well my Mum used to organise everything for me when I was little,
but after I lost my Mum,
for the last 2 years at school I was SO NOT ORGANISED!
I often forgot to do my homework and did the absolute BARE MINIMUM at the last minute – LITERALLY!
Half the time I didn’t know which class I had next and where I should be.
If I woke up late (my dad would leave the house at about 5.30am for work) I just wouldn’t go to school!
I HATE being late and would rather not go at all if I was gonna have to walk in late and apologise for my tardiness!
I was pretty chaotic!!
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Am I chaotic now though?
Well NO!
I’m not anal about anything.
I don’t have systems for everything – I try to keep things as SIMPLE AS I POSSIBLY CAN.
But I DO seem to resist having too much STRUCTURE.
I think I’m scared I’ll let people down.
If I fail to show up – that’s DISRESPECTFUL.
I want to respect my clients and followers,
not p*** them about!!
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Do I think I need or even want to become more organised?
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In short NO!
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I’m not that bad these days to be fair and I do have some SIMPLE SYSTEMS that help me out.
I think I’m good.
I don’t want to be super regimented with my business ’cause I VALUE MY FREEDOM SO MUCH.
This criticism is UNFOUNDED. REDUNDANT. NEXT…!

 

I criticise myself for NOT SPENDING ENOUGH TIME STYLING MY HAIR AND APPLYING MAKEUP!

 

I know right?!
Here’s the thing though,
I KNOW that I’m more likely to do a livestream – RIGHTLY OR WRONGLY -IF I have makeup on and my hair at least looks half decent.
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I’ve never really been that bothered with this stuff except back in the day when I was a rock chick and my image was SUPER IMPORTANT TO ME!
I still love the music now,
I just don’t need the world and his dog to KNOW that I’m a rock chick anymore!!
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I also developed a story that spending a lot of time,
effort,
money on your looks was kinda VAIN!!
(Don’t know where that came from tbh)
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Now I’m a little older I do have certain flaws on my skin that I like to cover,
but that can often be the extent of it!
But like I say,

I’M SO MUCH MORE LIKELY TO PRESS “GO LIVE” IF I BELIEVE I’M NOT LOOKING COMPLETELY FRIGHTENING TODAY!!!

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So do I need to change anything here?
It’s 50 / 50 I feel.
I don’t actually believe anyone NEEDS or SHOULD wear makeup,
or do battle with there hair.
It’s a personal choice.
But as I know that I’m more likely to show up for my audience and POTENTIAL AUDIENCE let’s face it,
IF I put a little effort in,
for ME PERSONALLY I want to make hair and makeup a part of my morning routine.
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I’ve recently gotten my hair cut into a more “managable” style and bought some products to help me try to tame it as best I can.
Just don’t expect to see Instagram worthy hair and make up though!
But hey,
no one follows me for any of THAT!!

 

I criticise myself for BEING LAZY!

 

In what way(s) am I lazy then?
Here comes the list!

❇️I don’t spend too much time and effort on styling my hair and applying makeup! (see next criticism for more on this)
❇️I don’t spend too much time on housework (what the hell? these aren’t even biz related yet!!)
❇️I don’t spend enough time working out. I mean I DO work out, but not enough!
❇️I don’t get up early enough. That’s ’cause I can’t switch off at night and I CAN stay up till the early hours if I let myself!
❇️Sometimes I feel I’m not creating enough valuable content.
COMPARISONITIS again, but I sometimes think I’m doing enough and then I see what others are doing and then I realise I’m really not.
❇️Sometimes I’ll ignore one of my social media platforms. Currently it’s Pinterest!
❇️Oh yeah! I was TOLD I’m lazy when I was a child!
And of course I WAS lazy – not doing homework till the last minute and rushing some half assed attempt out, right before it was due! – Sometimes I got better marks that way lol!
Sometimes I just FEEL LAZY and tired. We all have days when we really can’t be f*****! The trick is to GET F***** (well not literally. Then again it might be what you need!) No, I mean do something about feeling meh! Put some music on and dance about, or go for a walk outside while listening to some Metallica. THAT will get you in the mood for sure!

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Am I REALLY lazy?
MAYBE!
I think we all are naturally to some extent.
Sometimes I believe I’m not lazy,
as “normal people” do NOT do the amount of work I do,
which includes a LOT of self development work.
I really don’t watch much T.V. at all.
But then guess what comes back into play here?
Yep – COMPARISONITIS!!!
I’m not as MOTIVATED OR BUSY AS SOME OTHER ENTREPRENEURS I SEE!
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What to do then…
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❇️Give myself credit for the level that I AM playing at.
❇️Realise that certain things like an immaculate house OR immaculate hair and makeup, are just not my top priorities and it’s O.K.
❇️Be aware that I can always do more and I can GRADUALLY BUILD UP TO MORE!
❇️STOP f****** telling myself I’m lazy. I’m clearly not and I must be mindful of what I say to myself. NO NEGATIVE SELF TALK HERE PLEASE!
❇️And of course, STOP THAT PESKY COMPARISONITIS! .

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So is there a place for self criticism?

Does it ever serve us?
Maybe!
Maybe it can help us to get off our backsides and get sh*t done.
But then what if instead of saying to ourselves,
“You’re SO lazy. You ONLY wrote one Facebook post today and this person wrote 5”
what if we said,
“What an amazing post you just wrote. Can you come up with another one?”
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So in conclusion (yes it feels like I’ve written an essay!)
do I think we need to be going around critisising oursleves?
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NO. I DON’T.
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I believe we should always be working to build ourselves UP.
We should be our own BIGGEST CHEERLEADERS.
We can grow and improve at our own pace – and I’m NOT saying we ought to take loads of time!
But other people are unique human beings.
They have different traits,
different experiences and of course they’re on a different path to us.
They might even be a lot further along their own journey than we are and so how can we
say we’re lazy compared to someone else?
Or not as able?

 

What really matters is that we take care of ourselves so that we can then SERVE OTHERS.
And we all rise together.

 

What’re YOU criticising yourself over?
What stories do YOU have and what’re YOU gonna do to STOP?

– I GENUINELY WOULD LOVE TO KNOW.

Tina Clarke

P.S. Are you on Instagram? I’d LOVE to connect with you there if you are. It’s my new favourite platform 🙂

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