Your old coping mechanisms aren’t working for you anymore.In fact they’re part of your problem.
Don’t be too harsh on yourself for creating them though, as you were just doing the best
you could at the time.
You can’t be expected to do better until you actually know better.
And let’s face it, a lot of our beliefs are learned from others;
parents and other family members. Teachers. Friends. You know, people who you were
around the most when growing up.
This is not a blame game. I’m simply pointing out that you’ve picked up some sh*t along the
way that is hurting you now, even though originally it was designed to help you.
For instance, I have a bit of an upper limiting belief that I’m currently working on.
I developed a coping mechanism in early childhood, which is to expect the worse. That way
anything else is a bonus. To me this was pretty sound logic. And also I did adopt this from a
family member. Like I say – no blame here.
The thing is with this behaviour, is it’s negative. Always expecting the worse is not much fun.
Plus, what we focus on, we get more of. I’ve lost count of the times I’ve found myself in a situation, like waiting to see a doctor, and all the time I was expecting the worst. My mind on overdrive, running through the worse case scenarios, seeing if it
could in fact, make it even worse. It could 🙁
And you know what? It’s almost NEVER the worst case scenario. Yet ’cause I was overthinking it, it was like I was living it. Do you recognise your own behaviour?
One side of my family describe themselves as worriers. Guess what? I too became a worrier.
This is NOT a genetic thing. It’s a learned thing and sometimes unintentionally passed on.
Other times, someone gives you an outlook or coping mechanism to help you. Only it doesn’t. Maybe it used to, but now it’s a hindrance? Maybe you’re making things tougher than they need to be? Maybe you’re exhausted from anticipating the worst all the time?
Maybe you’re self sabotaging yourself ’cause you feel uncomfortable when things go right?
When is the bottom gonna fall out? What’s gonna go wrong? When? I’m not saying don’t prepare for things to go south. I AM saying, don’t expect it to.
Someone on the other side of my family used to say “we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it” and it’s much more positive isn’t it? I like to say “we’ll cross that bridge IF and when we get to it”
Changing ingrained beliefs takes time. You have to literally rewire your brain. But it’s worth the effort and if you’re overthinking, expecting something to go wrong or self sabotaging, then you’re already wasting so much energy on that B.S. and it’s costing you, not only some of your joy, but it’s preventing you from reaching your full potential.
If you realise you have coping mechanisms and beliefs that aren’t serving you, there’re a few things you can do;
- Choose new EMPOWERING beliefs you can get behind, commit to them and stick with them. Not just in the good times, but when things seem bad too. Hey, if you believe them, you believe them!
- Spend at least 30 minutes a day writing out your new, EMPOWERING beliefs. Feel the emotion(s) you’d have if they were now true. Peaceful? Joyous? Excited? Strength?.
- Look for evidence to back up your new beliefs. So I could probably come up with a ton of examples of where I was expecting the worst and it was literally NOTHING! What a waste of energy!
- Commit to your happiness. Your success. And to your mission in life. Keep moving forward as best you can each day. Guard your mind against negativity. Move your body. Get some daylight. Eat well. Sleep well (something else I’m working on!) And stick with it.
Until you recondition yourself to believe in the best case scenario, that you can be wildly successful, or that just ’cause something bad or disappointing happened yesterday, does NOT mean it will today, you will continue to struggle with your emotions and you’ll continue to hold yourself back. It’s like you have an internal thermostat and once things start hotting up for you i.e. going well, you’ll turn the dial down a few degrees and halt your progress. Sure you can create some good results, but you won’t reach your full potential.
You have a choice to make.
Will you invest in the time and effort to recondition your mind?
To anchor in the more EMPOWERING beliefs? Or will you do nothing and continue to upper
limit? Self sabotage? Suffer?
Just FYI, I’m currently looking to fill a couple of 1 to 1, private coaching spots. These are only for people who are ready to go ALL IN and commit to doing the inner work to change their outta results. This is full on, INTENSIVE coaching and it’s not for everyone. The price point isn’t for everyone either – my rates start at £5,000 for 3 months. If you’re serious about working with me and would like to apply, either message me on my Tina Clarke Facebook business page, or email me at: firstname.lastname@example.org